Working with a wing / how to have a good night, every night
The following is what's been running through my mind lately. My frequency of "really good nights" in the club has shot up dramatically, and I want to write a bit about what's been going on.
Note that this entire article is an "in the club" article.
There are many many things which are appropriate in the club, but are completely innappropriate outside of the club.
A couple of key words from this article are "impulsive" and "instinctive" - you can pretty much drop your logical filter in the club. It's important to act "in the moment" - which is another way of saying, act without hesitation and without filtering your actions. If you want it, go for it. What will happen after a while of doing this is that you'll subconciously filter, and simply won't do things which are "a bit off". You'll "do the right thing" without thinking, and this is a virtuous direction to head. I like to think of this as simply "I see.. I want.. I take". Act in the moment, without filter.
Something which you all should keep in mind is that the club isn't reality
. It's virtual reality - making a connection in the club means nothing outside the club. You have to make the connection again on the day2. You can have the best interaction ever, the girl can demand that you take her number, but she's not necessarily going to return your calls in the day time. You may as well treat this as a fact that what happens in the club doesn't matter in the real world. The reason for this is state-based. In the club, the girl is in a magical, safe-feeling wonderland. She's acting in the moment, and without thought of the real world.
It doesn't really matter how considerate you are for the girls feelings. By this, I mean, you may as well do whatever you want, and make sure YOU are having fun. In my mind, selfishness in-field is a virtue. Do whatever it takes to have fun, and the rest will follow.What to think about
Seriously. The club is the time to act impulsively and without your logical analytical mind getting in the way.
This is the time to bring out the "I want, I take" mentality. If you have to be logical, make it your inner caveman logical progression: "Woman. Hot. Want. Take. Now."
It's important to disconnect your logical mind, and act impulsively and instinctively
Everything which I write about should be done instinctively
, not as a tactic. Tactics are for dorks, and never "work" unless they're done impulsively, and in the moment
. Now, if you're adopting some new behavior, you're probably going to need to do it conciously for a while. My suggestion is you take up to three new things every fortnight, and conciously apply them. After, say, a month of conciously applying them, then stop, and let your instincts take over.State
What do to when you sense your wings state is going down (do not talk to him about state): When in field with a wing, top priority should be to keep each others states up... however, state should never, ever be mentioned
. Thinking about state is a sure-fire state killer. As soon as you think about state, you must do SOMETHING crazy. Immediately go dance, or immediately play an "imitation game." You should both unconciously be focused on having an awesome time, and the rest will follow.
It's also important that you do not critique your wing
while in field. It's a MASSIVE state killer, being out is about having fun
. Things to do in field, between sets, and as state boosters (aside from pulling girls into the fray)
Opening with a wing
- Imitation game - where you name something (such as a toaster) and your wing does his best toaster impersonation, then he picks something (i.e. gorrilla) and you do the same. Sound effects are mandatory, being EXTREMELY LOUD is also a requirement. ha.
- The "yeah, and" plotline game - basically take turns at adding sentances to some crazy story. Each sentance beginning with "yeah, and" - popular improv game, more details are probably around somewhere
- The awesome game. Take turns at naming things which are awesome ("fridges are awesome") with no pauses.
In my mind, there are two good ways to work with your wing in tandem with opening sets.
My favourite method - wing dissapears for (at least) 2 minutes while I open, wing returns, I cut my own thread, intro him straight away... It doesn't matter if it's "pre-hook-point", I just quickly intro, tell the group that he's my best friend ever, and get him into the thread. After he's involved, I dissapear for a couple minutes, then come back. We hook the set by virtue that we're normal, having fun, chill (and extremely good looking)
The reason that the wing needs to dissapear for 2 minutes, is, because, often, this is the amount of time it takes to stabilise the set. The key here is to give them time to realise that you are cool, and normal. You have to give the set time to acclimatise to your presence. So, open sets expecting them to be a bit unsure of what's going on - they won't know your cool, safe, or "normal" for the first minute or so. So take the first minute to let them acclimatise. Caring, and sharing.
For the stage pre-open, one really nice way to do it is to be talking to your wing, walk right by the set, open, and your wing keeps walking. This eliminates the whole "walk over" thing which sometimes makes things so difficult.
Now, when opening, a lot of guys worry about being smooth. However, being smooth isn't necessarily a virtue on first meet - it can be detrimental to the interaction since it potentially gives off "player vibes" which can make getting day2's HARDER. In my opinion better to be smooth on the day2 than the first meet.. simply because it's not "normal" to be, in a club environment, totally comfortable walking up to a stranger and being awesome straight away. (unless you are a player).. that being said, all rules can be broken, and it's often ok to come across as a player.
It's actually ok to walk up and say "Hey, you guys look fun - I really had to come meet you guys, and find out what your deal is. Who are you?" It's actually good. Because it's NORMAL. Afterward, you can transition into something like "Hey, maybe you guys can help me" then go onto some "regular opener" or something. Ideally something which you've been talking about to your wing earlier that night.
If no sets are nearby, walk around the club with your wing or whatever. Don't scope out sets, just walk somewhere new and hang out there.
If you incidentally spot any 2-set chicks who are meandering around, pull them in without hesitation. These chicks WANT to hook up THAT NIGHT. You can be agressive in escalating with them.Running the set with a wing
It's a good idea to have a "first half hour rule" - the person who opened the set, directs the set, can do whatever he wants, with complete outcome independence on both your parts - if he wants to leave you both leave, if he goes for makeout or whatever, and it fucks up, it's all fun.
Sometimes in set, you'll be doing super well, but your wing won't. Since you must
keep each others states up, you should do one of two things
- Give your wing the opportunity to switch girls. "Do you want to switch" should do the trick.
- Or, if you are in a 2-set, and your girl is already super into you, tell your girl that your friend isn't having fun... and that you're out with your friend to have fun, and that if you aren't both having fun that you have to go. If she's socially clued up, she'll tell her friend to look after yours (so that you'll stay)
- Pull your wing super into the convo. I.e. more attention than you're giving to the set.
It's important that you do this impulsively. Don't ask him if he's having fun. It's important to be socially aware, and to take care of things without mentioning it. (refer to what I wrote on criticism
Mistakes I see with new guys
Things to do with your girl, while in set
- Making a joke and trying to make the girl react by forcing their own laugh - better approach: throw and go
- Logically talking about "game" when we're trying to "game" - this is a HUGE no-no for me. Nights where I've done this have gone MASSIVELY down hill. There are some exceptions to this, where there may be some relevant in-the-moment inside joke which comes up in-set. However, out of set, no good ever comes from talking game in-field.
Role play: key to creating fun when there is nothing to do.
Meeting in a club is boring, create an interesting conspiracy with your girl about how you met, so you can both tell people. Say, you were rescuing a dog who was drowning in the lake, but you got pulled into the undertow, the girl happened to be driving by, get her to contribute by coming up with how she saved you, and the dog.
Forgot their name? Especially relevant if they're a friend of the girl you want: pick a person in your life who who they remind you of and tell you that you're going to start calling them by their new name. "You know, you really remind me of my friend/cousin/aunty Tammy. She always would xxxxx. From now on you can be Tammy" - this ties in to role-play, you can tell her stories about Tammy's real life "Remember when you did xxxx" etc. Actually, this is good to do even if you didn't forget their name. Fun fun. Finally
Why dedicating several days in a row is important
- you end up not caring about outcome, so end up doing things you wouldn't have done otherwise. New behavoirs embed themselves into your subconcious.
And finally, finally, it's key to drop your ego while in the club. Remember, it's not reality, so many rules of reality do not apply.